Vasoline
by Ghost of Ivan
Summary: Title has nothing to do with the story. Semi-humorous Adventure of people through Azeroth and all that stuff. Rated T for sexual references, and A LOT of swearing.


Vaseline

A Ghost of Ivan Fic

Ch 1- Beginnings

A/N- Note- This story has absolutely nothing to do with Vaseline. The song was stuck in my head when thinking of a title, so I said, "Why the F not?" Note 2- This is based of World of Warcraft, yes, but there are some changes- Races are not bound to a faction. There will be Horde races fighting for the Alliance, as well as Alliance races fighting for the Horde. While this is not by any means common, it will still happen. Note 3- While most characters in this story are just made up (Though I plan on creating them in WoW someday!), a few are actual WoW characters made by my friends, as well as my own. Note 4- One of the main characters name is Hyman- Deal with it. Note 5- There is no Note 5. Note 6- See Note 5. Note 7- Horde sux. Alliance rox. FACT OF LIFE!

Disclaimer- GoI owns nothing. No, not even the characters he created. Even though he is a proud member of the Alliance.

--

A brunette girl let out a sigh of agitation as she, once again, failed to put on her headpiece correctly. She thought to herself, 'Why do the shitdamn knights make all of the female mages these shitdamn headpieces that are hard as FUCK to put on, while all of the male mages get shitdamn CIRCLETS!?' After a few more minutes of trying to put on her headpiece, she finally put it on correctly and then proceeded to brush her still messy hair. It didn't take too long, as her hair wasn't that long. As she proudly walks out of the bathroom, she hears her mother say, "Leanne? Could you wake your brother up? Thanks."

The girl, Leanne, sighed and proceeded to go to her younger brother, Hyman's, room. As she pounded on his door, she said, "Yo, Hyman! Get your lazy ass up!" Hearing nothing from her brother, she opened the door and went in. She saw Hyman, a brunette boy, about five years younger than her, with a retarded grin on his face. Leanne muttered to herself, "He must be having a nice dream."

The brunette boy slowly opened his eyes, looked around, and said, "Where did all the elves go?"

Leanne facepalmed and sighed. She then noticed a magazine entitled 'Elves gone wild' on the floor, by her brother's bed. She then said to her brother, "You're extremely lucky I woke you up. If father saw this," She then pointed to the magazine, "He would tan your hide."

Hyman rubbed his eyes groggily and asked, "Why? Father loves me."

"But, father hates nonhumans with a passion. Remember that Night Elf I brought to meet the family?"

"Oh Leon? He was a pretty cool guy. What about him?"

"Father was uncomfortable about me being with him as friends. And father likes you far more than he does me. Imagine what he would do if he found out about your female elf fetish?"

"It's not a fetish..."

"Don't even make me give you evidence."

"Ungh..." Hyman then proceeded to put the magazine under his bed.

"Alright. I gotta go now. See ya tonight!" Leanne then left Hyman's room.

Hyman stretched and muttered, "Man... She's right... Dad is really uncomfortable around nonhumans. I guess I'll need to be more careful..." He then changed into a more normal attire for a warrior such as himself then... his pajamas. "Ahh... Jeez, sis seems really busy with the knights... Must be hard being second-in-command of the Magic division... I need breakfast..."

Hyman ate the breakfast his mother prepared for him, and left the house. The House was in the Trade District of Stormwind, so it was pretty noisy. Hyman muttered to himself, "What do I have to do today...? I don't think anything... that sucks, I could be sleeping... Guess I'll train, since I don't have anything better to do..." Hyman exited Stormwind and entered Elwynn Forest- his usual training ground. Leanne told him it was a good place for inexperienced people, like himself, could train, as long as he stayed within the Forest. He felt for his shortsword strapped to his waist, and feeling that it was securely there, he ran off. After navigating through the forest, he saw a sleeping wolf. "Heh..." he said to himself, "I can catch it unaware, making it an easy kill..."

Hyman silently drew his sword and did a strong slash to the wolf's back... barely scratching it. "What!?" Hyman shouted, then he remembered, "SHIT! SHITDAMNIT!! I needed to go to the blacksmith to get the blade sharpened! Shit!" The wolf lazily looked at him, teeth bared and growling. "Shit...Shit... Shitshitshit! I'm going to die a virgin! Argh!" The wolf jumped at Hyman, who blocked it with the blunt sword. "Man... I'm screwed..."

The wolf growled at Hyman a bit, then sat down and howled. About five more wolves came from behind the trees. "SHIT!!" Hyman yelled. He looked around, completely surrounded by wolves. He closed his eyes, and said, "Not much else to do... HELP!! HELP!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!"

Nearby, a Blood Elf heard Hyman's cries for help. Of course, being in close proximity to him, her improved hearing merely gave her a headache. Despite her sore head, she still said, "What's this? Someone crying for help? It must be monsters, or bandits, or... the Horde! I must help him!!"

The Blood Elf ran to where she heard the voice coming from and saw Hyman's predicament. Hyman looked at her and muttered, "Shit, a Horde... She's just gonna let me die and laugh while I'm being ripped to shreds... She is pretty hot though..."

The Blood Elf laughed and said, "Ha! Nothing but puny wolves! Take this, vile beasts!"

The Elf then proceeded to slash the living shit out of the wolves. Hyman said, "Thanks for the help but... aren't you a Horde?"

"Ha! Though Blood Elves may be aligned with the Horde, do not perceive me so! I side with the glorious and honorable Alliance!"

"Oh. Sorry for making false presumption, Miss Blood Elf lady."

"My name is not 'Miss Blood Elf Lady'!"

"Oh, then what is it?"

"Mael."

"That's a weird name."

"Oh? And you have much better name, I presume?"

"Of course! My name is Hyman."

Mael started to stifle her laughter, but just started to laugh. A lot. "Ha! Hehehe... Hyman... hehehe..."

"Damnit! What is so funny about my name!?"

"My apologies. That was rather... hehe... rude of me. And would you mind looking at my face?"

"What? O-oh... sorry."

"...Right." Mael turned around and started to walk away, but looked back at him, smirking, and said, "What? Do you need me to... escort you back to Stormwind, sir... hehe... Hyman?"

"Thanks, but no thanks. And damnit, my name isn't that funny!"

Mael brushed her raven colored hair out of her face and said, "Sure, you keep thinking that." She then ran off to somewhere else in the forest.

Hyman let out a sigh of relief and muttered, "Man, she saved my ass there. She was pretty hot too... Now, how to get out of this forest?"

Hyman wandered the forest for about half an hour without getting himself in any fights with monsters or bandits. It was then he stumbled upon the small town of Goldshire. Shrugging, he entered the Blacksmith's house. The man there looked up at him and said, "Hey there. You here for a reason?"

Hyman simply nodded and said, "Yeah. My sword kinda needs sharpening."

The blacksmith looked at his sword and said, "Your sword is kinda a piece of shit. The thing is dulled beyond repair."

"The fuck!? The shady guy who sold it to me said it'd last a year! And that was last week!"

"You're the idiot who believed him. Well, I could forge you a new sword by melting the materials down..."

"How long will that take?"

"Ready by tomorrow."

"Damnit, that'll be too long... Any faster alternatives."

"I'll sell you this sword for 40 copper."

"I'll take that, thanks... Man... I'll have 10 copper after this..."

"Thank you kindly." The Blacksmith gave Hyman the sword after taking Hyman's money.

As he walked out, Hyman smiled to himself while saying, "All right. It's time to kick some ass."

Completely ignoring the angry glare of a mother walking with her child. Hyman then ran off into the forest. Hyman then came across a boar. It was awake, but it was eating. Hyman muttered, "Heh heh, this ones mine..."

Hyman lunged at the boar, stabbing it's back. The boar, surprised, started to squeal and charge recklessly. After a few curses from Hyman, he managed to get a cut in on the boar. "What the hell!? It's not dieing!"

Hyman charged at the boar, this time getting a clean cut and killing it. "Heh heh, that was too easy."

Hyman then heard a female voice say, "Really? This is coming from the same person who yelled, 'What the hell!? It's not dieing!'"

"Sh-Shut up!" Hyman retorted, flustered at this remark.

"I'll choose not to." The owner of the voice then revealed herself- a Night Elf. She brushed her purple hair out of her face and said, "You were rather careless, and left it alive too long. Most people would try to put it out of it's misery as soon as possible."

"Oh yes, like you could do much better..."

"I probably can. It's not that hard to be better than you."

"Shut up! I know I'm not that good, but you don't have to put it like that."

"Why not? Sugarcoating the words will not hide their bitterness."

"Argh! Fine, I'm sorry for not killing the boar fast enough! Happy!?"

"... I wasn't asking for an apology."

"Then what did you want!!"

"Nothing, just letting you know of your flaws... And most people consider it polite to look at someone's face when talking to them."

With that said, the elf left. Hyman laid on his back and muttered, " Man... She's hot... really hot... I gotta get training sometime..."

After getting up, Hyman killed stuff for around an hour. After that he looked in his pack, grinning, and said, "Well this is a fine haul of loot. Heh heh... I should get at least a few Silver from all of this!"

Hyman snickered to himself again, but this time hearing a somewhat familiar voice yell, "Stupid bitch!!"

Hyman said, "Huh? What the...?" After searching where he heard the voice come from, he saw two familiar elves. "Oh, it's Mael and... that hot Night Elf chick... Are they wrestling, or something?" Looking more carefully, he noticed they were. "Score!"

After a few more minutes of the two elves calling each other a bitch (or other offensive names), the two started to strangle each other. Hyman took this opportunity to run to them and attempt to separate them. The Night Elf said , "Foolish human! Do not try to stop me!"

Hyman hit her (as much as it pained him) with his scabbard and said, "No. Can't let you two kill each other."

Mael looked at him and said," Hyman! You would take her side!?"

"To be honest, I'm just trying to keep both of you alive."

"Pah!"

The Night Elf, stifling giggles, said, "Your name is... hehe... Hyman?"

Hyman bore a frustrated look and said, "Yes, what of it?"

"Hehehe... It's a funny name... hehe... Ha ha ha ha ha!" The Elf burst into laughter.

"Shitdamnit!! My name is NOT that funny!! And I suppose you have a much better name!?"

"Of course. Rhiannon, Rhia for short."

"..."

"Of course. It is a much better name than Hyman."

Mael's ears twitched as she said, "Hey, Hyman, Rhia. You hear that."

"I don't have your Elvin hearing... I can't hear anything." Hyman replied.

Rhiannon's ears twitched as she said, "I can hear it. It sounds like... Wolves."

"A lot of them." Mael said.

"Shitdamnit. Rhia, can you fight?"

"Of course! She stole my shitdamn kill!"

"Like Mael said, yes. I have my bow, and my dagger."

Hyman drew his sword and said, "It's time to kick some ass."

"I hope you have a better sword." Mael said to him.

"Of course I do!"

After saying this, about fifteen wolves emerged, along with three gnolls. "Shit. Gnolls too?" Mael cursed.

"Not much else to do then kill our way out..."

"...Or die trying." Rhiannon finished, firing an arrow. The arrow hit a wolf in one of it's eyes, letting Hyman stab his sword through its skull. "I see you've improved."

Hyman smirked at this, the proceeded to kill another wolf, assisting Rhia and Mael if needed. Just as the trio thought things were going their way, things took a turn for the worse. More wolves and gnolls started swarming in. Hyman said, "Mael, why can't you cut through these guys like you did earlier?"

Mael sighed and said, "For one, it's kinda hard when who have to stay on the lookout for fangs EVERYWHERE!" She then narrowly avoided getting bitten.

"Ah geez... We're screwed, aren't we?"

"Pretty much." Rhia replied.

"Here goes nothing... HELP!! HELP!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!"

Meanwhile...

Leanne was patrolling Elwynn Forest- it was where she was assigned to for today, she was a member of the Stormwind knights after all. Usually she was patrolling the forest if not defending the city or fighting the Horde. Just as she sighed to herself and muttered, "This is so boring..." She heard a cry for help. "Huh? Well, that's more interesting then an empty road..."

Moving through the trees, Leanne saw several wolves running to an area. Leanne, confused at this, started to follow them seeing none other than the predicament her brother had gotten himself into. Noticing her, Hyman said, "Hey, sis! Mind helping?"

"I kinda have to. Mother and Father will tan my hide if I don't." Leanne then launched a wave of fire from her hands, killing a large group of wolves.

"Holy shit..." Mael muttered, "She's powerful..."

Leanne summoned another wave of fire, killing another group. "All right!" Hyman cheered. "Their numbers are now too low to be much of a threat!" When saying this, a wolf bit his shin.

After killing the rest of the monsters, Leanne walked up to Hyman and asked, "Hyman, are you okay? What about your friends?"

Mael scoffed and said, "We're not friends."

"We were merely dragged into this by circumstance. Thanks for your concern and help anyway, Miss." Rhia said politely.

"I feel so unloved now..." Hyman muttered to himself.

Leanne sighed and said, "If you guys need any medical assistance, I have a few healing potions. And Hyman- Mother wanted to see you."

"Huh, really? I wonder why..."

"Miss...?" Rhia started.

"Leanne." Leanne responded.

"Miss Leanne, may I have some of your potion? I fear I may have been bitten more times than I wanted to be."

"Yeah, me too." Mael added.

"Haven't we all...?" Hyman muttered before walking off to Stormwind.

-- Meanwhile --

"May I come in?" A male voice said.

"Leon, right? C'mon in."

"Much thanks my friend." Leon replied. He was a Night Elf with long purple hair.

" It was nothing. How are your relations with the Horde goin'?"

"It was rough at first, but now I guess they accept my help."

"... I 'eard you've been near Stormwind."

"... Yes. I fear I am still a proud member of the Alliance, despite my desire to help the Horde."

"... What we've done... I don't know if we can atone..."

"Indeed... May I spend the night here? It's getting late, and-"

"O' course ye can! We're not friends to abandon ea' other!"

"Yes my dwarven friend... You have been faring well, I assume?"

"O' course. I still feel guilt, though..."

"It has been five years... I never thought such guilt lasted this long..."

"Indeed, my friend... Indeed..."

--

A/N- All right Done! Note- I'm not going to change Hyman's name. Note 2- Leanne probably seemed a little OP during the fight. The explanation I have is that, at this time, she is around, if not at, level 70. She's not second-in-command of the Stormwind magic forces for being weak. Note 3- This was just an introductory chapter of the main characters. The final scene was just giving you readers a glimpse of Leon's character. More will be added to his story later in the story. Note 4- See Note 5. Note 5- There is no Note 5. Note 6- See Note 5. Note 7- Once again- Horde sux, Alliance rox. FACT OF LIFE!

R&R if you would, but I'll update this at my leisure.


End file.
